I realise this is a weightloss blog.....but weight loss is only a part of my life...it is not my whole life!
So here goes.....
My son is 12...13 in November. He is funny, and smart and handsome and a typical boy. When he grows up he wants to be a professional skateboard rider. He is not particularly academic and he is the kind of kid who doesnt like to talk about his feelings...what teenage boy does???? He has been without a dad since he was 4, but in reality he was without a father long before he was born. His dad is not the worlds most upstanding citizen.....drugs, violence and emotional inadequacy played a role in our separation. My son was witness to police visiting the house and violent horrible arguments between his father and I. BUt i am not a victim and when he left, I put myself through uni, I got a job and I went about the business of building a life for my little family!
With my son in mind, I took a teaching position at an International School. I thought it would help me financially and it would help him have a better life. I am sure in many ways it has.
Since being here, my son has gone from finding school ok...to loathing schoool......detesting school...hating school. International Schools are rigourous academically and he is just simply giving up.
I dont know how to help him. I have tried to bribe, yell, punish, bargain, beg, cry, reason, discuss, excite, inspire...but nothing seems to work. I am writing because I recieved two emails from his teachers this morning. And I simply dont know what to do. I know many of you out there are parents and so I was hoping for a little guidance, advice, help!!!
The first one reads....
Hey Sarah,
I am really just checking in to see how Kaelum is doing. (Of course how are you too? You must be very busy right now.)
I had him in art class today and from my observation today and for the last couple of weeks, he seems:
Disinterested
Bored
Unenergetic
Low-effort
EVEN on the brink of disliking me and the art class.
I don’t take these things personally. I’m worried about him, but I also want to do the proactive thing and find out how to help him.
Can you tell me what your suggestions are?
He has made a really nice sculpture and his painting skills are refined, he just doesn’t want to give much effort right now.
HOW CAN I HELP Kaelum? Please let me know.
She is a lovely teacher and clearly has Kaelums best interest at heart.
The second one reads..
Hi Sarah,
It's good to see you back in the school and I am glad you are doing better.
I just wanted to pass you some concerns I have about Kaelum. He has showed some progress during class over the last month, but right before and after the break his performance has not been consistent. He does not bring notebook or planner to class and therefore he has not followed up on homework. We worked on a dialogue for about a month about how to order things at a Restaurant, but his final performance was poorly done. I also asked them to type script as a homework and he did not do it. I know he was a bit unstable when you were sick, but we have been working on this project for a long time.
He HATES Spanish!!!
Am I overreacting? These are not the first emails I have received from teachers. This has been an ongoing issue all year....well truth be told ...the past two years. Is this normal for 12 year old boys? Do I pack up and go home? Will he blossom in high school? Im tearing my hair out. Are my expectations too high? HELP!!!!!!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
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About Me
- Sarah
- I am a girl who is trying to find the goddess underneath all the layers....physically, emotionally and mentally!
Im not alone on this Journey.....
3 comments:
Oh Sarah... this breaks my heart. We are in the same situation with my step son Shaemus who is 12... going on 13. Not academic but used to be willing to give everything a go. The problem is that his mother has chosen to send him to a strick catholic school, even when he told her he does not want to go there, which would ahve been hard because man she is a peice of work! and she outright told him she didnt care. (sorry ramble) the problem for Shaemus is that the school is not suited at all to him. And i feel when we are able to convince his mothers of this and he changes schools he will change... as long as its not too late.
Perhaps this is the problem with Kaelum? Maybe ask him how he is feeling with school? What can happen to change things? would he like to have a look around at some schools which are perhaps more into sports and less rigourous? - i know not always an option.
Hang in there.... there is always the whole "hes at THAT age" thing. Which i hate to say but it is an age. He will be dealing with hormones and emotions and things he just doesnt understand. Sorry im not much help. But i hope you find a solution soon.
I don't have many suggestions but...this is the age you can "lose" boys in education, so you must stick to it and get it sorted. Don't think it is a phase and he will pick up. I don't mean to be blunt, but it will get worse if it is not sorted.
Moving somewhere else will just move the problem somewhere else.
Punishing and yelling generally don't work! They just close up! Intrinsic learning is what we all want, but sometimes a little extrinsic motivation is required. surprised the bribes haven't worked...were the bribes rewards for success (and were the expectations achievable?) or were they punishments if he didn't succeed?
Could you print out the emails, take off some bits you might not want him to see, and show him? Or would this make him angry at the teachers?
Ask him what is up? Ask him what you can do to help him?
Keep talking to him. Eventually he will break. Eventually he will open up. It just takes time for them to talk. But they do listen. they might not show it, but they do listen. they are taking things in. they just take a lOOOOONG time to process then react to it!
If he wants to be a professional skateboarder, he needs to know it just isn't about skating too. If he is successful, he will have a lot of money and will need to know how to finance and invest.He will be travelling and need to work to schedules. He will have people trying to take advantage of him, and he will need to learn who to trust and who he can rely on, and get help from. He will have interviews so will need to know how to converse with people and from a variety of cultures (so other languages are important!).As well as travelling the world and needing to know what the tournament organisers are saying! He will need to do things he doesn't like, but will have to smile and "fake" it because the media will be watching him like a hawk. So the arts are incredibly important!
You gotta put spin on it! :)
I really wish you luck! I teach this age group, and they are hard. But they are absolutely gorgeous too! Persistence! And never giving up!
Oh Sarah,
I'm so sorry! Not being a parent, I can't empathise with you in this situation, but my heart is bleeding for you at the minute! What a difficult situation to handle! I feel for Kaelum too, because it can't be easy on him either...
I don't have much advice, but if it's any consolation, I grew up with two brothers who both went through a similar phase at about the same age. Maybe it's a boy thing? Just stick with him and hopefully you two will come out of it okay.
Thinking of you xo
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