ok.........I admit it.........

I have not been a Girl Guide this month! I dropped the ball big time.....we know this we accept this. I worked out a little.....not like I have been......I ate crap.....couldve eaten more...most certainly could have eaten less....I have not been near the message boards....well I have but not like I should...and I have not been on the blogs reading and being inspired!

I gained........2 kilos in a little under 4 weeks!!! OMG I didnt realise how easy it is to put on weight...especially when I have been fighting so hard to get it off.....2 bloody kilos!! And the funny thing is....I can feel it......I know that I have. I wasnt going to get on the scales this morning. But I thought to myself...if I dont do it now, it will get worse, and I will forget I even had the ball in the first place.

I wasnt surprised......I expected it......I knew that I had.......and so I am here. I posted on WW, I am going to email my fabulous support ladies.....and let me say...fabulous is an understatement!!!!!...I heart Erin and Kase!!! I am going to drink water, make myself workout and track my food. Hopefully I can get these 2 kilos off fairly quickly and get back on track.

I am back in Aus July 1 and want to be looking like I have not been sitting on my backside since January!!! I have reports to finish, assessments to write up, uni work to complete and end of year paperwork to do....however...I am not going to use these as an excuse to not keep on with the most important thing of all. ......me......

So my blogging/ww friends......keep me honest...and I will work to do the same thing!!!!!

See me.....see wagon....see me off wagon!!!!

I dont know what has happened. I decided I would totally blow it out on my birthday and like a true addict....it hasnt stopped. I dont know what has happened!!!

I spent the weekend literally eating...no hoovering everything I could get my hands on and then some. I felt ill, especially since MEDICALLY i am not meant to eat this crap, but I ploughed on regardless! I ate things and whilst doing it watched myself do it and couldnt stop.

I have not exercised since Wednesday of last week! 7 Days!!! 7 Days with no physical movement. I told myself i would go last night, but went to Chocolate Fire instead! A chocolate restaurant owned and operated by an Aussie...so you know it is good...chocolate strawberries, chocolate EVERYTHING....chocolate PRINGLES........it was like I was in a trance just being led by my desire to eat chocolate!!!

I am teary, angry, impatient, grumpy, itchy, swollen, embarrassed and altogether not happy!! I dont know what to do........no correction.....I do know what to do.......I dont know how to do it at the moment. I feel like giving up! I feel like staying off the damn wagon.

I had some photos taken of me at the beach this weekend. You know how in your head you think you look one way.....and people say Geez sarah you have lost so much weight? Then you look at photos of yourself.....AT THE DAMN BEACH NO LESS....and realise that you are not as skinny as you thought you were and perhaps photos at the beach are not the best idea in the world???? Well that is also another reason why I feel so bloody horrible......I saw those photos and cried....why do i feel like I am getting nowhere? Why do I feel like I am fighting a losing battle???? All of my strength and willpower and motivation at the moment are somewhere between last week and never coming back!

I need to get back onto WW.....I need to get back into the workout regime....I need to reconnect with all my lovely WW email friends........I think I need help!!!!

Its MY DAY!!!!

Hello sports fans...I have been MIA ....dramas, work, exercise and all the rest have made it really busy for me.....BUT I am going to state this......

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAy!!!!!

I am turning 35........and i am a little freaked out about it....having said that...I am going to eat what I want today because once a year you should be able to!!!!! I wont whinge about it....promise.........later in the week....and once today is done I am going to bust my gut to get under 110 kilos by the end of MAY!!! That will be my present to myself!!!!

Sooooooo....to all my blogging friends out there...and my new email buddies...I promise you will all hear from me soon, but today....it is work, massage, dinner, cake, drinks, and sex....wait on........no sex.....that is in my dreams!! LOL But at least there will be cake!!!