ok.........I admit it.........

I have not been a Girl Guide this month! I dropped the ball big time.....we know this we accept this. I worked out a little.....not like I have been......I ate crap.....couldve eaten more...most certainly could have eaten less....I have not been near the message boards....well I have but not like I should...and I have not been on the blogs reading and being inspired!

I gained........2 kilos in a little under 4 weeks!!! OMG I didnt realise how easy it is to put on weight...especially when I have been fighting so hard to get it off.....2 bloody kilos!! And the funny thing is....I can feel it......I know that I have. I wasnt going to get on the scales this morning. But I thought to myself...if I dont do it now, it will get worse, and I will forget I even had the ball in the first place.

I wasnt surprised......I expected it......I knew that I had.......and so I am here. I posted on WW, I am going to email my fabulous support ladies.....and let me say...fabulous is an understatement!!!!!...I heart Erin and Kase!!! I am going to drink water, make myself workout and track my food. Hopefully I can get these 2 kilos off fairly quickly and get back on track.

I am back in Aus July 1 and want to be looking like I have not been sitting on my backside since January!!! I have reports to finish, assessments to write up, uni work to complete and end of year paperwork to do....however...I am not going to use these as an excuse to not keep on with the most important thing of all. ......me......

So my blogging/ww friends......keep me honest...and I will work to do the same thing!!!!!

See me.....see wagon....see me off wagon!!!!

I dont know what has happened. I decided I would totally blow it out on my birthday and like a true addict....it hasnt stopped. I dont know what has happened!!!

I spent the weekend literally eating...no hoovering everything I could get my hands on and then some. I felt ill, especially since MEDICALLY i am not meant to eat this crap, but I ploughed on regardless! I ate things and whilst doing it watched myself do it and couldnt stop.

I have not exercised since Wednesday of last week! 7 Days!!! 7 Days with no physical movement. I told myself i would go last night, but went to Chocolate Fire instead! A chocolate restaurant owned and operated by an Aussie...so you know it is good...chocolate strawberries, chocolate EVERYTHING....chocolate PRINGLES........it was like I was in a trance just being led by my desire to eat chocolate!!!

I am teary, angry, impatient, grumpy, itchy, swollen, embarrassed and altogether not happy!! I dont know what to do........no correction.....I do know what to do.......I dont know how to do it at the moment. I feel like giving up! I feel like staying off the damn wagon.

I had some photos taken of me at the beach this weekend. You know how in your head you think you look one way.....and people say Geez sarah you have lost so much weight? Then you look at photos of yourself.....AT THE DAMN BEACH NO LESS....and realise that you are not as skinny as you thought you were and perhaps photos at the beach are not the best idea in the world???? Well that is also another reason why I feel so bloody horrible......I saw those photos and cried....why do i feel like I am getting nowhere? Why do I feel like I am fighting a losing battle???? All of my strength and willpower and motivation at the moment are somewhere between last week and never coming back!

I need to get back onto WW.....I need to get back into the workout regime....I need to reconnect with all my lovely WW email friends........I think I need help!!!!

Its MY DAY!!!!

Hello sports fans...I have been MIA ....dramas, work, exercise and all the rest have made it really busy for me.....BUT I am going to state this......

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAy!!!!!

I am turning 35........and i am a little freaked out about it....having said that...I am going to eat what I want today because once a year you should be able to!!!!! I wont whinge about it....promise.........later in the week....and once today is done I am going to bust my gut to get under 110 kilos by the end of MAY!!! That will be my present to myself!!!!

Sooooooo....to all my blogging friends out there...and my new email buddies...I promise you will all hear from me soon, but today....it is work, massage, dinner, cake, drinks, and sex....wait on........no sex.....that is in my dreams!! LOL But at least there will be cake!!!

What a week................

Phew!!! What a week!!!! I have never been so busy in all my life!!!!

Our school musical opened and closed last week! We had a week of full on rehearsals, after months and months of fairly laid back ones...I was at school every night till god knows what time....I was the Assistant Director.....we had 5 shows in 3 days and a cast of 50 kids to take care of. We did Seussical the Musical and if I may be so bold and bias....the kids were AWESOME!!! it is a really fun show and the whole time was a blast...BUT.....

Due to the late night hectic nature of the theater I didnt exercise and I ate pretty much on the run....I tried soo hard not to eat the wrong stuff and not to snack, but it is hard to do when the theater takes over. Dont get me wrong it is what I love love love to do....I just have not attempted theater and WW at the same time...its tricky!!!

Im feeling much better since the operation and today I managed a small session at the gym...not the treadmill or the pool...the actual gym. I am a little sore tonight but I think it is all going to be ok!!!

We are coming to the end of the school year here and I have to make a firm decision about my summer plans. I am worried if I travel....my son wants Disneyland.....i will not have the chance to work out regularly....if I stay here I know I will have full gym access and pool access during the working day....If i go home, well my parents are on 100 acres an hour out of Wagga so there is plenty to do to keep me active, but it would not make for an interesting summer story when I get back to work...so who knows!!! BUt I have to make my decision and fast!!! Any thoughts??

I recently read an article about the thought process and positive thinking and creative visualisation.......essentially ...your thoughts create your world.....what you think you have and become....Does anyone buy into this? Does anyone have any thoughts on this whole thing? I read "the Secret", I have been captivated by this whole idea.....I dont know if I have the patience to see it through ......Can I have what I want in life simply by visualising it??? I would love to hear what you all have to say about this topic........

Well that is all for me now...I was going to have a rant about feeling pretty crappy about being single on my 35th birthday in a few weeks....but I have decided to forget the rant and try to think positively instead!!! Fingers crossed.......

The best laid plans.....

I woke up this morning thinking...today I am going to blow it! Today I am going to eat all the chocolate I can....and I dont care!!! I think TTOTM is coming!!!

So....I arose...got dressed and headed to the MEGA MALL!!! (quite literally...that is what it is called.....MEGA MALL!!!) At the Mega Mall you can walk for hours and will not have gone very far because of all the eateries, candy stores, donut shops, cake shops, restaurants etc. I was determined to eat one of everything!!

I started walking. I remembered I needed toothpaste, shampoo and a few other sundries....the food can wait...Ill get these first.
Then I remembered I wanted digital scales. Ill eat after I get the scales. Next it was a hair cut for His Highness Master 12....the food will come after that. After the haircut we had a wander...I made a mental list of all the food I was going to eat. Then it occured to me. If I want to eat all that chocolatey deliciousness, I would have to go back to where we started and down 4 floors!!! Was the chocolate worth it?? In my heart it was...In my head.....not so much!!

So....I left MEGA MALL chocolateless and feeling a little ripped off!!! LOL So on the way home stopped at the 7/11 and picked up a few things, determined to gorge on them when i got home.

I got home and opened the brand new digital scales...ooohhh sooo shiny...and stepped on them...just to make sure they were working...and wouldnt you know it!!! I am down 800 grams!!!! So.....the chocolates were passed onto HHM12 who was very appreciative and I went to the pool for a swim!!!

Am I craving them right now?? NOPE!!!! So, the best laid plans are not necessarily the ones that come to fruition!!! I was determined to eat junk all day....the universe I think had other plans for me!!!!!

Have a great week ahead!!!!

The hardest Job in the world.....

I realise this is a weightloss blog.....but weight loss is only a part of my life...it is not my whole life!

So here goes.....

My son is 12...13 in November. He is funny, and smart and handsome and a typical boy. When he grows up he wants to be a professional skateboard rider. He is not particularly academic and he is the kind of kid who doesnt like to talk about his feelings...what teenage boy does???? He has been without a dad since he was 4, but in reality he was without a father long before he was born. His dad is not the worlds most upstanding citizen.....drugs, violence and emotional inadequacy played a role in our separation. My son was witness to police visiting the house and violent horrible arguments between his father and I. BUt i am not a victim and when he left, I put myself through uni, I got a job and I went about the business of building a life for my little family!

With my son in mind, I took a teaching position at an International School. I thought it would help me financially and it would help him have a better life. I am sure in many ways it has.

Since being here, my son has gone from finding school ok...to loathing schoool......detesting school...hating school. International Schools are rigourous academically and he is just simply giving up.

I dont know how to help him. I have tried to bribe, yell, punish, bargain, beg, cry, reason, discuss, excite, inspire...but nothing seems to work. I am writing because I recieved two emails from his teachers this morning. And I simply dont know what to do. I know many of you out there are parents and so I was hoping for a little guidance, advice, help!!!

The first one reads....

Hey Sarah,

I am really just checking in to see how Kaelum is doing. (Of course how are you too? You must be very busy right now.)

I had him in art class today and from my observation today and for the last couple of weeks, he seems:

Disinterested

Bored

Unenergetic

Low-effort

EVEN on the brink of disliking me and the art class.

I don’t take these things personally. I’m worried about him, but I also want to do the proactive thing and find out how to help him.

Can you tell me what your suggestions are?

He has made a really nice sculpture and his painting skills are refined, he just doesn’t want to give much effort right now.

HOW CAN I HELP Kaelum? Please let me know.


She is a lovely teacher and clearly has Kaelums best interest at heart.

The second one reads..

Hi Sarah,

It's good to see you back in the school and I am glad you are doing better.

I just wanted to pass you some concerns I have about Kaelum. He has showed some progress during class over the last month, but right before and after the break his performance has not been consistent. He does not bring notebook or planner to class and therefore he has not followed up on homework. We worked on a dialogue for about a month about how to order things at a Restaurant, but his final performance was poorly done. I also asked them to type script as a homework and he did not do it. I know he was a bit unstable when you were sick, but we have been working on this project for a long time.


He HATES Spanish!!!

Am I overreacting? These are not the first emails I have received from teachers. This has been an ongoing issue all year....well truth be told ...the past two years. Is this normal for 12 year old boys? Do I pack up and go home? Will he blossom in high school? Im tearing my hair out. Are my expectations too high? HELP!!!!!!

The Flow and The Sun.

When you are a fat person, you find any excuse to reward yourself with food. For example:
"If I sit in front of the computer and do some work, I will take a bowl of lollies in with me....I deserve at least that much"
"If I do all the housework, I can go and get some chocolate...after all I would have used up all that energy"

And so on and so forth.........

When you are a fat person losing weight.....you find any excuse to reward yourself....and as much as I would love to say with food at the end of that sentence...you would like to think that we fat people have learnt our lesson and are looking else where for rewards!!!

Well I have found the else where..........

After using alot of my preptime today.....stuffing around...Im not sure if many teachers do this but I certainly do!!...I have found two lovely places I want to go to. I will go to both of them as a reward for a job well done when I lose my weight!!

The first place can be found here....www.puertodelsol.com.ph a five hour drive from Manila..suits me fine cause I hate to fly...and it looks just divine! Not alot of people know about it yet...so it is nice and secret..but it looks heavenly! This is my reward for the halfway point!

The second place can be found here..flowsurfyogasamba.multiply.com a little more active than the other place. Have always wanted to learn to surf, yoga cant be that bad and I think samba lessons would be a blast! This is my reward for reaching goal weight. Again not too far to drive from Manila!

As you can see too both places are reasonably priced...both places look like they would be paradise and both places are NOT FOOD!!!!