What I am discovering.

I have often thought that all I really wanted was to get married. Find that certain someone and be swept off my feet. I think romantic comedies have destroyed reality for us women. We all what what Jennifer Aniston or Meg Ryan get just before the credits roll....funny that both of them are still single in real life!

I have had a number of boyfriends. Im sure we all have. Some have broken my heart, perhaps I broke one or two of theirs. I have been single for a while.....and it was not ok with me. Recently someone came into my life and left again. That was not ok with me. But here is what happened.

A month ago I joined Weight Watchers, to once and for all shed the pounds, lose the but, diminish the tuckshop lady arms. I discovered the message boards and realised there was a huge support network out there full of people just like me. Fighting the battle that I am fighting, hoping to God that eventually we all win the war! I posted on the message boards that I was upset that this person chose to end it with me the way they did. The response was overwhelming...messages of encouragement, messages of support, and messages of "he doesnt deserve you". I never quite understood the phrase 'he doesnt deserve you'. I got it, but when it came to myself I never quite understood it. Surely he is the best I can get? I am a fat girl! Men dont love fat girls. Take it while it is on offer you may never get another chance.

I challenged myself. For two days I would try to find the good things about being single. I would try to be happy with just me. I would make the effort not to think about how much better life would be with a man on my arm. I am three days into a two day challenge. I have realised these things:

*Watching back to back episodes of CSI with noone to complain about it is bliss!
*Discovering 400 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets and not having to justify the prive to anyone is marvelous!
*Discovering how sexy I felt laying between the 400 thread count sheets in my queen sized bed is even more marvelous!
*Cooking a Weight Watchers recipe and not having to leave ingredients out because someone doesnt like them is delicious!
*Singing loudly to show tunes in the shower and not have someone turn the music off is showstopping!
*Falling in love with myself is slightly scary but Im beginning to see how much better this kind of love is.

I have a long way to go. Emotionally, physically and even spiritually. But I have learnt this. One day I am sure I will get married. I will have the kind of marriage that I have always wanted...not to mention the kind of wedding dress I have always wanted. But until that day comes, I will know I deserve the best. I will know how to love myself and I will know that being me is such a great thing!