Fridays Feelings.....

Well I have spent the past few days thinking about this journey that I am on. Thinking about the people that I am encountering along the way and why....and basically doing a whole lot of thinking.

I mainly do it on the treadmill or in the pool. I figured I may as well kill two birds with one breathless stone!

In my previous post I mentioned a very close friend of mine betraying me. Well my initial instinct was to yell and scream and rant at her, but upon reflection I have decided to take the moral highground. Becoming a wild banchee doesnt solve anyones problems and will probably serve to vilify me in the long run. So I have very quietly slipped away. Away from her social circle, away from her and funnily enough away from alot of negative thinking. I am amazed at how happy and positive I have become since choosing to distance myself from her. This is not to say that I am the happiest person on the planet, but it does mean that I am not constantly scowling. Perhaps the lesson to learn here is to know when to give up.....or to know who and what is good for you and what and who isnt. Im not sure what the lesson is. I miss her......I miss having that close bond, we told each other everything.....or at least I did. But I left my husband because I couldnt trust him, because he lied to me ......I cant be around people who are deliberately untrue. I think what hurt the most is that it seemed everyone else was told the truth except me.

I still have not made a decision about my child as yet. I am just going to let it pan out on its own I think. The more I stress about things, the more I eat........its that simple.

I am feeling pretty good about where I am physically. I started interval training on the treadmill. Running and walking.......I didnt think I would get through 10 mins...I did manage however to make it to 30! That is a huge feat for me....HUGE!!!! And truth be told I am actually enjoying it. I am also managing to fit in Curves, Tae Bo dvds and the occasional lap in the pool.

I have to believe this is my year. I have to believe that things for me will improve, delight and show me that my life is not as shit as I think it is. Sure we all want certain things.......I have this feeling that now is my time to start going after them. If that means letting go of a toxic friendship or two...so be it....if that means accepting who I am for exactly who I am...so be it....hey that might even mean meeting a nice someone to share the journey of life with. For now, I think I am excatly where I need to be.