I have been inspired to look at some brutal truths in my life after reading Debs post about her shoulda, coulda, wouldas!
It is never easy to admit that you are not doing things because of the way you look. I have taken sick days off work to avoid something because I felt fat. I have often said I wasnt feeling well...or wasnt the adventurous type.....simply because I didnt want to embarass myself!! So here is my list......here is my list at 34...nearly 35 of all the things I wish I had done...or was doing but am not because I am overweight.
I hope one day I can check them off my list as having actually done them!!!
1. I have not taken my son to Disneyland because I am afraid I wont fit on any of the rides.
2. I didnt go with my friends to swim with the dolphins because I didnt want them to see me in a bathing suit.....said I had a tummy bug...spent the weekend on the couch with chips and chocolate and dvds.
3. I avoid parties because I dont want people to stare at me when I walk into a room. I feel socially awkward because I worry people think I am too fat to be friends with.
4. I dont go on cool holidays because i dont want my photo taken.
5. I didnt participate with my son in the sports day relay because I didnt want to embarrass him. I wish I hadve.
6. I didnt get out of a bad marriage until it was almost too late because I was afraid I would never meet anyone else......that still scares me....and I blame it all on my weight!
7. I dont like to go shopping with my friends and when I do I am the one holding the bags whilst they try things on.
8. I wish I still danced! I love dancing...I was a good dancer!
9. I wish I wore nice clothes and fashionable funky stuff.....I dont! I wear what I can fit into. Being in Asia, I wish I was able to wear shorts and a tank top!
10. I wish I was more confident to voice my opinion!
So now.....here is THE list....the list of all things I will do WHEN i am down to my goal weight....all the things I will do WHEN I have no reason not too!!!
1. I WILL swim with the dolphins.
2. I WILL take my son to Disneyland and ride the rides with him...I LOVE RIDES!
3. I WILL visit the subterranean caves in Palawan here in the Philippines....they look gorgeous.
4. I WILL join my friends on a weekend away to Boracay beach and not worry about being the token FAT GIRL.
5. I WILL buy an expensive outfit from a top fashion store and wear it with pride!
6. I WILL flirt with a boy or two.....and be confident in doing it!
7. I WILL not waste my weekends on the couch...I will get out there and enjoy my son and all he has to offer...I feel like his childhood is slipping out of my hands....he is nearly 13..pretty soon he wont want to spend time with me!
8. I WILL start auditioning for roles in plays again. I miss my acting career.
9. I WILL see that blaming everything on my weight is a pointless and fruitless activity!
10. I WILL travel more and not worry about not fitting into plane seats. I would love to go to India!
11. I WILL wear shorts, tank tops, bathing suits and really cute sleepwear!!!!!!
12. I WILL cut my hair into a stylish, sexy new look.....right now I wear it long..really long....so I dont draw attention to my numerous chins!!! LOL.....
15. I WILL not lay awake at night thinking I wish, I wish, I wish!
I am sure there are many more I wishs and I wills, but for now the ones I have listed are the ones that resonate the most..........its a hard thing to do...listing all the shoulda, coulda, wouldas....but I think it would be even harder getting to the end of your obese life wishing you could go back and change things. So I accept the hard today....and promise myself that from this moment on....I will work towards a no regrets existance. I will take one day at a time to eat properly, work out sensibly, smile lots and know that I am walking....allbeit slowly....down a new, thinner and happier road!
Saturday, April 10, 2010
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About Me
- Sarah
- I am a girl who is trying to find the goddess underneath all the layers....physically, emotionally and mentally!
Im not alone on this Journey.....
3 comments:
I have often said I wasnt feeling well...or wasnt the adventurous type.....simply because I didnt want to embarass myself!!
Talk about something I can relate to! I have always considered myself a home body but I'm now beginning to wonder if that's because I was too embarassed to leave the house... Damn. Sometimes I really hate losing weight because then you have to deal with all the emotional crap that caused the initial weight gain! But I guess we must fight both the physical and emotional battles to achieve inner health!
This post looks as though it was very therapeutic (also very tough, I'm sure) to write. But what a motivating post to refer back to! Good on you for being brave enough to do it and put it out there - I hope you achieve everything on your list!
Oh hell! Now you've made me think of MORE things to put on my shoulda, coulda, woulda list!!
No - I'm looking forward, not backward. I'll follow your lead and make a TO DO list for myself. I've never done that because I've never been able to believe that I will reach a goal weight. Haven't ever been there. Haven't ever been as committed as this before either. You'll never see me write, "20kg gone forever" because I've said that before and it always turned out to be a lie.
But a TO DO list... yes, I can do that. Thanks for the inspiration.
BTW, I found out yesterday that I am almost able to buy clothes at Marks and Spencers, and Dorothy Perkins (size 20). Do you have those in Philipines? I'm not a huge fan of M&S but I am keen to fit their clothes, just to prove that I can!!
Thank you so much for your kind comments on my blog!
I can see what an attractive woman you are! Do you see that too!
You must learn to love yourself enough to do this weight-loss journey for you firstly and then for your son!
You come across as a very caring woman who has had a rough time of it!
OK, so now it's time for things to change! You need lots of positive people around you to assist and support you - not just with your WW journey but all aspects of your life! Come to the message boards regularly - we are all there to support each other!
Do you have a good relationship with your Mum? I ask this because I think you should be up-front with her regarding your son's unhappiness in Manila!
I'm sure that they'd love to have him for the rest of this year so that he can settle into an environment where he feels happy - you might even be able to join him in country NSW later in the year?
He's had a fair bit of trauma in his young life and now is such a sensitive time for him, approaching puberty and all!
I brought up 6 boys, on my own from their teenage years! Whilst it certainly was NOT easy, I'm so proud of the young men they have all become!
You just have to do the best that you can under the circumstances and they will understand when things get tough especially if you explain it all to them!
Best wishes to you - you will remain in my thoughts!
Gae xoxoxox
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